A Monster, Some Men, and a Pregnant Witch
by The.Dragon.Singer
Summary: This here's a story all about how their life got flip-turned upside down... Or... In which Sirius is not allowed to call the Healer, Remus drinks some coffee, and Harry Potter is born.


**QUIDDITCH LEAGUE FANFICTION COMPETITION: ROUND 4 ENTRY FOR CHASER 2 OF CHUDLEY CANNONS**

**TASK: "Now this is exactly why the doctor changed his number on us." Fresh Prince of Bel-Air**

**PROMPTS: (added to task dialogue)**

**(word) chivalrous **

**(quote) "I reserve actual terror for only the most special of occasions." - Monstress, Marjorie Liu & Sana Takeda**

**(word) aromatic**

**Word Count (Microsoft Word): 1467**

* * *

The sunlit clouds drifted across the blue sky above Godric's Hollow at the end of July. The residents of the magic-friendly village were all enjoying the lovely weather, the shrieks of excited children floating from the playground. Lily Potter was seated in a lounge chair in her back garden, one hand caressing her swollen belly as she watched her husband and his best friend mucked about with a Quaffle. Remus, her dearest friend, was stretched out in a lawn chair beside her with his gangly legs crossed at the ankles and his head hung over an aromatic cup of coffee. He periodically passed the mug over to the redheaded woman, highly entertained when she took long inhales of the scent of caffeine.

Lily paused her hand over the left of her bellybutton, and Remus lifted his weary eyes from over

his coffee at her soft, "Oh,"

"Prongslet kicking again?" he asked with a chuckle. Lily nodded, wincing slightly and taking a long slow breath as she closed her eyes. Remus furrowed his brows and leaned over, concerned.

"Just Braxton Hicks," she murmured, trying not to draw the attention of the other two Gryffindors.

"It's time! I'll floo the Healer!" Sirius bellowed, bolting for the fireplace and tripping over his own feet. James rolled his eyes skyward and shook his head.

"Sirus," he called, not at all drawing the attention of the other man. Sirius bounded into the house and moments later appeared by Lily's side with a loud crack when she moved to get up. Remus took a long sip of his coffee and leaned back in his chair.

Sirius fussed over the redheaded woman as she shuffled upwards from her comfortable lounge chair. "It's alright, Lily! Just breathe! Walk through them. I'll get the go bag. Wait, are you supposed to walk through contractions? I'll floo the Healer!"

James shook his head and trotted over to help his lovely wife take a turn around the garden. Remus lifted his mug to take another sip of his coffee and frowned heavily when he realized his cup was empty of his preferred beverage.

"REMUS!" Sirius bellowed, running out the back door with his wand in hand, black hair askew. "Why aren't you more concerned about Lily's contractions!?"

"I reserve actual terror for only the most special of occasions," He replied, slowly getting up from his chair and stretching. "Like the _birth_ of our nephew, Padfoot. Not Braxton Hicks contractions."

"But – wait," Sirius lowered his wand and narrowed his eyes at his werewolf friend. "Are these those fake contractions again?"

"_Yes_, Sirius."

Lily grumbled as she and James strode past, "They feel pretty real."

"I know, Lily." Remus reached for his mug and headed for the house for a refill. Lily motioned towards the door, and the Potters headed in after him. "It was easier to explain it to Padfoot that way; Wizard-versus-Muggle things again."

"I know," She whined, pulling her arm away from her besotted husband. "Another coffee, Remus?"

"Please,"

"I got it!" Sirius screeched, racing past the pregnant woman and very carefully sliding along the wall to the kitchen, so he didn't bump his womb-bound nephew. Remus and Lily shared a look and shrugged at each other, heading into the lounge. James went to make sure that Sirius didn't break anything again.

"Think this is why he ended up a Gryffindor?" Remus asked as he took a seat on the sofa, observing Lily as she sat, but not offering to help. He knew her well enough to not provide help with these sorts of things; she was pregnant, not an invalid, as she'd announced many times at the beginning of her pregnancy. It had been incredibly entertaining to watch the other two men frantically run around the house trying to help, and inevitably making things worse.

"Ever chivalrous, that Mister Black." Lily teased as the man in question, entered with Remus' coffee. She made grabby hands at the mug, and Sirius shied towards the fireplace as he passed the caffeinated drink to the werewolf.

"I can't drink it, but I can smell it." She reassured the Black for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"He was going to call the Healer again," Remus murmured out the side of his mouth as Sirius padded back into the kitchen to clean up whatever disaster he'd managed to make while _mostly_ unsupervised.

"He's why the Healer password-blocked his Floo address on us," She chuckled, and then winced again. She leaned her head back, and her hand traveled from where it had been sitting on her protruding stomach, to her lower back. Remus, ever the researcher, furrowed his brows and leaned forward.

"Lily?" He questioned, rising from his seat and kneeling beside her. She hummed, acknowledging him. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Just peachy," She mumbled. "Help me stand."

The werewolf nodded, helping the woman up off the couch. The pair slowly walked towards the entrance of their cottage, and Lily's eyes flew open when they'd left the living room. The grip on his hand tightened drastically, and her hand flew to her lower back again.

"_Ow_!"

Sirius poked his head out, skeptically narrowing his eyes at the pair. "Is this one of those Branston Sticks things again?"

"… no," Lily whispered. The men in her view both paled like ghosts. James poked his head from behind Sirius as fluid splashed from between his wife's legs onto the hardwood floor.

"I think you can call the Healer now, Padfoot," James croaked. The three watched as his eyes rolled upwards and he fainted dramatically, as only James Potter could. Sirius stared at his best friend and threw his hands in the air.

"Well, now I have to! Prongs, you prat," Sirius grumbled as he head to the fireplace.

"The password is Chivalrous," Lily told him as Remus helped her back to the couch and headed out of the lounge for some towels to clean up the mess. He stepped over his collapsed friend, completely unconcerned.

"Afternoon, Healer Womble!" Sirius exclaimed through the emerald fire. "No, I'm allowed this time. Yes, you can. Remus!"

"He's allowed!" The werewolf called to the Healer on the other end of the Floo-Call. Sirius stuck his head back in with a broad grin.

"We're pretty sure Lily's water broke. Oh! And James fainted. Really?" Sirius peered over his shoulder at his fellow two Gryffindors. "Apparently, fatherly fainting is normal."

"How are your contractions?" The elderly voice of the Healer asked as she poked her head through, giving a kind smile to the redheaded woman in the room. Sirius shuffled out of the way but remained seated by the fireplace.

"They're still pretty far apart," Lily answered, truthfully. Healer Womble nodded.

"When your contractions are four minutes apart and last for a minute, for at least an hour," She eyed Sirius, who was scribbling what she was saying down on the back of a Daily Prophet, obviously amused. "Then head to Saint Mungo's."

"Thank you, Healer." Remus nodded. "And James?"

"' _Rennervate' _should do the trick. Have a good day!" Sirius skipped out of the lounge and over to James, drawing his wand to awaken his friend.

"Shall I make dinner?" Remus asked. Lily shook her head and summoned the take-out menus from the kitchen drawer, purposefully smacking her husband round the head with them as he sat up. Sirius barked out a laugh at the look on James' face.

"Stay the night?" Lily pleaded quietly. "I can't handle those two children, plus birthing a baby."

The werewolf chuckled sympathetically and agreed, reaching for the telephone in the corner when Lily decided what she wanted to eat.

* * *

Remus paced the floor of the maternity ward, and anxiously ran his hand through his hair. Sirius watched the werewolf pace, utterly calm as he waited for the appearance of his best friend. The Potters had vanished into Room Forty-Seven four hours previous with Healer Womble. Lily had been snarling abuse at her joyful husband, who remarked to their friends that their Hogwarts years had just been practice for this moment.

"Is he _still_ pacing?" Peter asked, shuffling up next to Sirius with a cup of coffee and two teas. Sirius nodded slowly, taking his drink from the pudgy man. Remus grumbled something incoherently at the pair and snatched up his coffee. The two men watched the werewolf for another ten minutes when James burst through the door with an enormous grin on his face.

"He's arrived!" He announced happily. "Come meet your nephew!"

The three Marauders rushed into the hospital room and crowded around the tired redhead seated on the bed, holding a little blue bundle in her arms.

"Oh, he's precious!" Sirius cooed. "What did you name him?"

"Harry," She replied, smiling down at her son softly. "Harry James Potter."


End file.
